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Joined: Apr 28, 2006
Single black women, count your blessings & a TBM plug
Single black women, count your blessings
By Yolanda Young
Fri Dec 1, 8:01 AM ET
The plight of single black women has received widespread attention in recent years - cover stories in Essence and Newsweek magazines and countless newspaper articles. This year, the movie Something New even opened up the possibility of dating outside the race since some 42.4% of black women might never marry because of the dearth of marriageable black men.
Nationally, there are 10 single black women for every seven single black men. The picture looks worse if you subtract those who are incarcerated and unemployed.
But the obsession with the black female marriage problem has overshadowed an equally daunting fact: Many black marriages don't survive.
Last month, the Department of Health and Human Services awarded $118 million in grants for research, projects and programs designed to encourage healthy marriages. The operative word for these grants being "healthy" because studies over the past 10 years suggest that marriage for blacks isn't a cure-all, either:
?The University of Illinois tracked 199 black and 174 white couples during their first years of marriage. The study found that after three years, 17% of the black couples were divorced or separated, three times the white percentage.
?Analysis of a national survey of 13,017 adults by sociologists Mark Rank and Larry Davis at Washington University in St. Louis found that
married blacks more so than whites
believed that divorce would improve
their finances, career, social life, sex life and parenting.
?In 1970, according to Census data,
57% of black men and 54% of black women were married.
By 2005, those figures had dropped to
42% and 35%, respectively.
And 68% of white men and 63% of white women were married in 1970,
compared with 59% and 57% respectively last year.
Harvard sociologist Orlando Patterson has spoken to many black husbands and wives who are disappointed, dissatisfied or disloyal. One overriding problem, according to Patterson, is the issue of sex roles.
"Our men still have male-dominant attitudes toward their spouses," he says,
but contemporary black women have more independent views about their roles.
And while some might find being a single black woman distressing, married women reported being in poorer health.
This according to "The Consequences of Marriage for African Americans," published last year by the pro-marriage Institute for American Values, a non-profit aimed at improving marriage.
Hopefully, the grants will help unlock the code to a healthy marriage. Until then, remaining single might be the key to wellness and contentment.
who is single,
is the author of On Our Way To Beautiful.
Post by Lee
If they remain single, and are single parents, then their genes don't get passed on or worse they are passed on to the next generations social ills.
Post by trtl157
I have a better idea.
How about more government schemes.
More government money.
More meeeetings were we can talk about our feeeelings.
Post by dickthedog
Hopefully, the grants will help unlock the code to a healthy marriage.
Until then, remaining single might be the key to wellness and contentment.
Oh yes. There's a problem and we just can't figure out what's amiss. Must be global warming.
Post by anarchiste
Global warming will soon become a major, major problem. It will lead to disaster in a few years.
Check "An unpleasant truth" on the Web (Al Gore). I am one who believes that for every problem there is at least one solution, but for that one, no dice.
Compared to it, feminism is just a piece of cake. We will all be "back to basics". What may follow is another ice age, worse than the little ice age (14th to 19th century) when many millions died. I have often used the expression "when shit hits the fan": that is precisely what I was referring to.
Post by openeyes
It's "An Inconvenient Truth".
Post by anarchiste
Quite right, openeyes, my error
Post by tygr
>>"Global warming will soon become a major, major problem. "
I simply dont believe this at all. But I get your general point. It's just a poor example.
Post by porkchops38
I think single black women in America are at the end of the rope, because a lot of white guys are marrying Asian women, Russian women, etc.
You also see a lot of black guys with white women nowadays.
Usually I see the white woman is a fat cow with a 54" waist and she's driving a little bug car like a '91 geo metro, while her black man sits in the front seat looking cow-towed.
So, as far as the inter-racial mating game goes, it seems black women are getting the short end of the stick as there is no group of men that's desiring of black women.
Also now they say that black women are the fastest growing segment of new AIDS cases,
so perhaps all the pent-up sexual needs of black women are causing black women to be less than discreet about whom they have sex with and what context,
so they are getting AIDS more and more.
Post by tygr
Probably cause black women prefer to have sex with thugs,
and thugs are the same ones who more than willingly have sex with each other in prison,
exposing themselves to the HIV virus,
and if the guy is especially unlucky, he will be on the unwilling end of anal sex.
Post by williemolson
Actually Porkchops, as a black man who has had a lot of white females, the characterization you made of black men who date interracially is quite passe.
Actually, the white guys I see with Asian women are mated to the ugliest Asian women, not the top barrel ones.
Generally, the women look like young boys with glasses.
As for Russian women, I happen to know a white guy married to a Russian woman from work. She's attractive, but she is just using him. She determines if they have sex, and, increasingly, it's less and less.
She also goes back to Russia a lot, making me suspect she has a paramour there.
Although I've had white, Asian, Latina, et al women, I didn't, and don't want to, marry them in the current social climate. For affectional purposes,
I have been with an older, affluent, Harvard educated WASP lady for 28 years, and, when we first hooked up, she was quite attractive.
Now, not so much, but she is as good a person as you will find, and, although I do have a couple of white "lookers" on the side, I love coming home to a nurturant environment. We've been there for each other.
As for other black men I've seen in interracial relationships, some of the women have been unattractive, and some, frankly, were sexy as hell.
The same with white guys. Some of the black, Asian, and Latina women I've seen them with I wouldn't touch with someone else's penis, and some were quite attractive.
I don't know what part of the country you are from, but your generalizations in this regard certainly hasn't comported to my experiences.
Post by porkchops38
Willie, i'm being completely honest when I say that I've rarely seen an interracial couple (black man / white woman) where the white woman was what I consider "attractive".
I live in the midwest where women tend to be mistaken for cows in the pasture.
Even those rare times when I've seen a black man with an "attractive" white woman, it's been my perception by their body language that the "attractive" white woman wears the pants.
Anyways, the main point was that it seems nowadays that black women are seemingly left out of the loop, because as interracial couples go, I don't see very often a black woman with a man of asian or caucasian persuasion.
So if anyone should be p.o.'d at the fruits of feminism it should be black women.
Post by williemolson
The Midwest huh? Interesting.
I live in New England, and because of the people drawn to the world class colleges and universities in the region, I guess there are a greater concentration of people open to new ideas and experiences here.
I don't really see black women that disadvantaged in dating here, at least the attractive ones.
Again, it's probably the cross fertilization of ideas and experiences being enhanced by a rich intellectual environment.
Post by mamonaku
As a black man...
I say let them eat cake.
Black women, while I just love that brown sugar they bring to the bedroom, are totally unpredictable and dangerous to have a long term relationship with.
Black women are incredibly strong, physically and spiritually.
A man has to be a man in order to hold his ground.
Sometimes she needs a good bodyslam (figuratively, not literally) in order for her to act like she has some common sense.
Black women WILL get physical with you, and she will "test your nutts" just to make sure "you ain't no punk."
That's why a great many (not all, there are some real sweethearts out there) like them thugs,
because thugs don't hesitate to put the smackdown when its needed.
However, putting her in her place on occasion (again figuratively)
will lead to conflict, which leads to her calling the police, which leads to jail/divorce, etc.
Just not worth the trouble.
I feel badly about the situation, but Black women by and large have proven that they are simply not interested in the stable marriage/family life that I, and a great many men, want.
It's a shame really, but they have only themselves to blame.
Post by porkchops38
Willie, I think you are talking about dating, fucking & chucking, etc. whereas I was kinda referring to forming stable relationships, you know like where you see a couple in public together.
If you are talking about chucking and fucking, it don't matter a hill of beans because every guy is an equal opportunity fucker, it's all pink on the inside.
Post by kris
I was reading the National Post (Toronto Canada newspaper) about 4-5 years ago and remember an article I was reading vividly.
A columnist for the paper was tackling the issue of inter-racial dating.
He took a stab at explaining why there are not very many white men dating black women these days.
His theory was that being a black person brought with it many disadvantages (such as sterotypes, racial discrimination etc), so why would a white man wish such kinds of disadvantages upon his off-spring?
Having racial mixed children would not be beneficial to their future success.
He stated that if you were white, you had backing from your own white community, and if you were black, you had backing from your black community.
Problem was, neither group wanted anything to do with a racial "mixed" person.
I've seen some television programs where the man was white and the woman was black and they had 3 kids.
Most people would say the kids looked mixed. I couldn't see that. They looked pretty black to me and yes, they were HIS kids.
I looked at the guy and looked at each of the kids and couldn't find ONE single trait in any of them that would indicate they were his kids. So from a personal perspective, how can I bond with my kids if I fail to recognize anything in their physical traits that would link me to them.
The black gene is just too strong. Outside of personality traits, I just wouldn't be able to see past their physical traits.
Speaking as a white male, yeah, I'd "do-it" with a black woman, but for the reasons stated by the columnist above, I wouldn't want to visit/place upon these kinds of societal problems on my kids if I didn't really need to.
Immediately at birth they'd be "disadvantaged".
It reminds me when I was fooling around with a Latina years ago. I didn't want to bring her home to introduce her to my parents cause I knew I'd get a "lecture" from them about dating a non-white woman. I was doing pretty good for a couple of months until one day she came to my house to pick me up in her car. I purposely waited outside my house so that she wouldn't have to get out of the car to ring the doorbell. As soon as she pulled into the driveway, I jumped into the car and we took off.
I came home later that night and got an earfull from both my parents! They snuck a peak at her from the living room window as we pulled out of the driveway. For 5 years after that day, my mom, dad, and even my sister heckled me about that chick.
It was embarrasing as they did it in front of other guests also!. I said to myself "Never again!".
I can't really explain why white women seem to not care about the flak they get? Maybe it's the whole "big-cock" thing and they don't care about anything else.
Is it an "emotional" thing, or is it something about knowing that it "pisses" mom and dad off so who cares about the societal consequences, etc etc etc.......
My parents retired to a little hobby-farm out in the country near a very popular little village (with the tourists). I go out on many weekends for visits. My parents farm is located amongst other big farms. These larger farms bring in foreign workers to pick and grow the crops. Most of these workers come from Jamaica. I was once told that some of these men get lonely from being away from home so they venture into town and try picking up the local white women.
I've even heard that some of these women end up getting pregnant and having their kids. Well on one particular fine Saturday afternoon, I was in the driveway changing the oil in my car when a Chevy Cavalier stopped at the corner and I could hear all sorts of yelling coming from the open windows of the vehicle.
The driver of the car was a young white male and the passenger that was crying and in hysterics was a fat white female. She was bawling and screaming at the driver that she wants "Him" to see his kids as much as possible as he's only around 5 months of the year, blah blah blah.
I was confused why they had stopped at my corner to have this conversation until the woman got out of the car. The driver put the car in park and got out of the driverside door.
Then all I see is the front seat go forward and this "thugish" looking black guy (Looking 25 years old) get's out of the backseat. The driver then opens the trunk and pulls the black guys bike out of the trunk. The woman get's back into the car (still crying in hysterics) and the driver get's back inside and they drive off leaving the black guy to peddle his bike back to the rooming house where he and his fellow working buddies stay during the picking season. They dropped him off far away from the home because it's been known around town that if any of these workers get's caught fraternizing with the local town-women, they'll be shipped out of the country immediately, or just not asked back the following season.
I've seen that Chevy a couple of times more since that day...............except without the theatrics.
Post by tygr
"For 5 years after that day, my mom, dad, and even my sister heckled me about that chick."
That's funny. My mom nipped that shit in the bud by not letting me go outside period. She knew what I wanted.
Post by williemolson
Porkchops, as I alluded to in my original post response to your post, I wouldn't marry any woman, whatever her ethnicity, in the current social climate.
So, yes I was referring to casual relationships.
Kris, it's unfortunate that your foray into expansive dating opportunities was met by stupidity on your parent's part, but that's their problem.
Whether people like that want to acknowledge it or not, at least here in the U.S., the number of interracial marriages, relationships, and children has skyrocketed.
So much so, that at the Ivy League college I graduated from there is a box for future applicants for biracial people seeking admission.
I just don't see the massive disadvantages biracial children have that you mentioned.
It's a massive disadvantage to be white in Appalachia. It's a massive disadvantage to be born to two white parents where the father is a coal miner.
There are segmented disadvantages to any class you can imagine. The children of the very rich have more depression, more academic underachievement, and more suicide and suicide attempts than inner city black children, again, that research pertains to a U.S. population.
By the way, I don't think white women care less about the social status in their propensity for interracial dating here in the states.
Surveys have shown that white men and women are about equal in their willingness to participate in these relationships, particularly with blacks.
It's also counterintuitive to what evolutionary biologists say about women and status.
Women are more concerned with the status, on average, of the person they are dating if they are seeking marriage because of their vulnerability during pregnancy and the amount of resources their mate can bring to the marital table.
Post by porkchops38
Willie, no one is arguing the fact that interracial marriages are skyrocketing, that's very obvious.
My original post on this thread was in regards to the fact that black women are not marrying outside their racial group in numbers even remotely similar to other interracial unions.
You see all kinds of interracial unions in large numbers nowadays, but a black woman with an asian or caucasian man happens little, especially in comparison to other interracial unions.
That was what I was primarily talking about, and this fact is no big surprise to anyone.
Like Mamakou said too, black women tend to be the most vocal proponents of feminist ideals, as if black women have bought the feminist lies more than any other group of women in America, and perhaps because of those lies and acting upon the lies, black women have the lowest rates of marriage.
Cause and effect.
I know the last two black women I dated were nice enough women and good looking, but they were among the most mentally repulsive minds I've ever come across -- totally indoctrinated into feminism.
Post by williemolson
Chops, I know what you're saying, I just don't see black women, in my immediate context, being that disadvantaged dating wise.
Marriage, of course, is a whole nother thing, and I don't know the gender participation rates for interracial marriage here, but dating wise, it's about tit for tat.
Post by tygr
Also look at the differences in stature between those groups.
It is very likely the black woman could be larger than most Asian guys.
Post by haroldzoid
Well, I agree with willie.
Too often people go along to get along, even if that means adopting fear-based limiting beliefs.
Anyway, check out this site. It's for an upcoming film and it should be interesting.
Post by ausername
I watched the clip & although he makes an excellent point, I'm certain that in real life he wouldn't even be able to get one sentence out without being constantly interrupted by these hate queens.
I mean doesn't it look odd for a group of women to just shut up like that after barking a load of shaming language?
How to succeed with women-Succeed without them.
Start shoveling the gravel.
Woman slaying since day one