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8 Mistakes Women Make in Relationships - Glamour Magazine Online
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queenbastet
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8 Mistakes Women Make in Relationships - Glamour Magazine Online

8 Dating Mistakes Even Smart Women Make partner
by Glamour Magazine, on Thu Apr 15, 2010 7:57am PDT 276
  

Trying to make your new relationship last or just looking to avoid a repeat of your latest dating mistakes? Follow our guide to finding Mr. Right. (No, it’s not impossible!)

by Brenda Della Casa


Dating Mistake #1: Being Too Available
We’re not suggesting you play games, but we are telling you to indulge your passions and resist the urge to abandon your social circle every time your new man sends an invitation. Take Sebastian, 34, from Chicago, for example: “When I was single, there were women I initially liked who seemed to be waiting by the phone for me to call, which let me know if I didn’t meet someone else I wanted to date, I had a standby. There just wasn’t anything to work for, and that turned me off,” he says. The more you engage in and enjoy your life, the more he’ll work to be a part of it.


Dating Mistake #2: Trying to Rehabilitate a Bad Boy
Ending a relationship is rarely easy, and though flying solo might not be your long-term goal, being on your own is better than feeling alone in a relationship with someone who treats you poorly. Even when it might be tempting to give a toxic romance one more try, knowing when to cut your losses and move on leaves you available and baggage-free when the right guy comes along.


Dating Mistake #3: Looking for Perfection
Encouraging you to settle isn’t our style, but separating your desires from your deal-breakers can give your love life a major upgrade. “There are some qualities that your mate must have—being honest, for example—and others, such as movie-star looks, that should be thrown in the would-be-nice category,” says Elizabeth R. Lombardo, Ph.D., author of A Happy You: Your Ultimate Prescription for Happiness. “Sit down and realistically figure out what characteristics are nonnegotiable and then be open-minded about the rest.”


Dating Mistake #4: Feeling Sorry for Yourself
Resist the urge to bemoan your single status (which will only make him wonder why you find yourself such terrible company) and use this time to date yourself. Taking a dance class at the local studio, hitting up the exhibit you have been aching to see and trying out the new wine bar on the corner will not only offer you the chance to have more fun but will also leave you more likely to meet someone who shares your interests. So much better than sitting in your apartment waiting for someone to “wink” at your online profile picture, isn’t it? Another bonus? You’ll have far more interesting things to talk about over dinner than what your boss made you do on your lunch break last Friday.



Dating Mistake #5: Knowing His Thread-Count Before You Know His Phone Number
Getting it on with a sexy stranger is your natural-born right, but according to many guys, it can be the wrong move if you’re looking for long-term love.

Follow the advice of super-sexy leading man Gilles Marini (he was Samantha’s sexy neighbor in Sex and the City: The Movie): “Men love women who respect themselves and who do not rush into bed with them but instead go on a few dates, where they can start to gain an understanding of each other and then decide whether or not to take things further. Women need to know that taking it slow and getting to know one another is the best way to get into a good relationship,” he says.


Dating Mistake #6: Being Too Selfish in Your Relationship
One of the downsides of being independent is that it can lead to some self-absorbed tendencies—a huge turnoff for men looking for a serious relationship, says Ming Gregory, a professional matchmaker at Color Blind International Dating Service. So make sure you’re giving as much as you’re receiving in your next relationship. “A partnership involves two people who share mutual interests and mutually benefit one another,” she says. “It’s not just about what being with him can provide you; it’s about how you can come together to complement each other.”



Dating Mistake #7: Believing in The One
“A lot of women make dating more difficult by placing so much pressure on themselves to find the one-and-only-man-in-a-billion they believe is right for them,” says Ali, 35, from Gaithersburg, Maryland.

Instead of convincing yourself the ex you dumped was your soul mate or that perfect-but-married co-worker was your one that got away, take a cue from our male counterparts and approach the dating scene with the idea that there are plenty of men who are capable of making you laugh, sharing your values and melting your heart, and you’re going to have fun with several of them until you find one worthy of your commitment.

Dating Mistake #8: Forgetting Your Manners
We can’t imagine this is something you’d ever do, but a little reminder never hurts: Say thank you.

“Good manners have become so old-fashioned that men now wait for the thank-you at the end of the date as a way to see if she’s worth seeing again,” says Brian, 30, from New York City. “I don’t care if the woman looks like Kate Beckinsale and has a Ph.D.; if she can’t be bothered to utter those two little words, I am never calling her again.”


A man (and woman)  should look for what is, and not for what he thinks should be.  - Einstein
04-18-2010 11:06 AM
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g3mini
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RE: 8 Mistakes Women Make in Relationships - Glamour Magazine Online

The only one that kinda struck me is

Dating Mistake #1: Being Too Available
We’re not suggesting you play games, but we are telling you to indulge your passions and resist the urge to abandon your social circle every time your new man sends an invitation. Take Sebastian, 34, from Chicago, for example: “When I was single, there were women I initially liked who seemed to be waiting by the phone for me to call, which let me know if I didn’t meet someone else I wanted to date, I had a standby. There just wasn’t anything to work for, and that turned me off,” he says. The more you engage in and enjoy your life, the more he’ll work to be a part of it.


Maybe it's just me, but I think the issue here's mainly one of balance, because - for the women that aren't waiting by the phone - it just seems like fewer and fewer of them seem to be able to tell the difference between spending enough quality time with their men vs. spending an abundance of time with family and friends. All in all, you certainly have to take things on a case by case basis, but from my point of view, this is frequently an issue...

04-18-2010 05:31 PM
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ebnythndr
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RE: 8 Mistakes Women Make in Relationships - Glamour Magazine Online

Icon_upIcon_upIcon_up   Hey Queen. I really enjoyed this post because numbers 1, 2, and 3 have directly affected me in past and present relationships. Very good analysis because a few of these mistakes men make as well. Again, you hit the nail on the head. Take care. Kevin


The true point is to educate, not to decimate. Rise above the negativity and stay positive!
04-18-2010 06:53 PM
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charlesh1609
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RE: 8 Mistakes Women Make in Relationships - Glamour Magazine Online

Mistake #9: Relying on GLAMOUR Magazines for Relationship Advice - and THEN wondering why things STILL don't work the way you want.

Icon_rolleyes

Official FAIL status granted.


Get in where you fit in.

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04-18-2010 07:00 PM
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RE: 8 Mistakes Women Make in Relationships - Glamour Magazine Online

g3mini Wrote:
The only one that kinda struck me is

Dating Mistake #1: Being Too Available
We’re not suggesting you play games, but we are telling you to indulge your passions and resist the urge to abandon your social circle every time your new man sends an invitation. Take Sebastian, 34, from Chicago, for example: “When I was single, there were women I initially liked who seemed to be waiting by the phone for me to call, which let me know if I didn’t meet someone else I wanted to date, I had a standby. There just wasn’t anything to work for, and that turned me off,” he says. The more you engage in and enjoy your life, the more he’ll work to be a part of it.


Maybe it's just me, but I think the issue here's mainly one of balance, because - for the women that aren't waiting by the phone - it just seems like fewer and fewer of them seem to be able to tell the difference between spending enough quality time with their men vs. spending an abundance of time with family and friends. All in all, you certainly have to take things on a case by case basis, but from my point of view, this is frequently an issue...


What about a man who makes himself too available for a specific woman to let her know that the focus is on her only?


True vision without a plan is just an hallucination!
04-19-2010 09:06 AM
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g3mini
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RE: 8 Mistakes Women Make in Relationships - Glamour Magazine Online

beklear Wrote:

g3mini Wrote:
The only one that kinda struck me is

Dating Mistake #1: Being Too Available
We’re not suggesting you play games, but we are telling you to indulge your passions and resist the urge to abandon your social circle every time your new man sends an invitation. Take Sebastian, 34, from Chicago, for example: “When I was single, there were women I initially liked who seemed to be waiting by the phone for me to call, which let me know if I didn’t meet someone else I wanted to date, I had a standby. There just wasn’t anything to work for, and that turned me off,” he says. The more you engage in and enjoy your life, the more he’ll work to be a part of it.


Maybe it's just me, but I think the issue here's mainly one of balance, because - for the women that aren't waiting by the phone - it just seems like fewer and fewer of them seem to be able to tell the difference between spending enough quality time with their men vs. spending an abundance of time with family and friends. All in all, you certainly have to take things on a case by case basis, but from my point of view, this is frequently an issue...


What about a man who makes himself too available for a specific woman to let her know that the focus is on her only?


There's truth to the term "absence makes the heart grow fonder" but I think it'd depend on his girl and if she "gets it" - why he's making himself so available to her - outside of that it becomes an issue of whether or not she's cool with having that amount of attention from him - but realistically speaking, I know a lot of sistas that would be like "damn, ain't you got a life?" and not see this was his way of showing her that his focus was on her only...Ultimately it depends on the couple, but again - it's an issue of balance. Communication+honesty+respect should resolve any further issues but then again, there are no formulas...

04-19-2010 06:20 PM
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queenbastet
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RE: 8 Mistakes Women Make in Relationships - Glamour Magazine Online

@ charlesh -
The source of the information does not immediatelly damn it to being unworthy of considering.  This popped up in my yahoo home page... so no I dont' condone seeking relationship advice from magazines...

but If you look at some of the comments, they echo alot of what is said here.
which is the reason i added it.

@ Everyone - I was surprised to find no one mentioned the one I thought really hit the hardest...
#6... being selfish.  they actually scolded women for falling into the independence myth... so rare for this type of publication.  

the others were good are not so on piont to varying degrees... the one about sleepiing with a man too quickly, lookin for perfection, having self pity for being single...in general these actually made sense.

i was really amazed at #5 though!!!  

good on ya glamour!  usually yall make me mad... but yall did ok this time.

charlesh1609 Wrote:
Mistake #9: Relying on GLAMOUR Magazines for Relationship Advice - and THEN wondering why things STILL don't work the way you want.

Icon_rolleyes

Official FAIL status granted.


A man (and woman)  should look for what is, and not for what he thinks should be.  - Einstein
04-19-2010 11:56 PM
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g3mini
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RE: 8 Mistakes Women Make in Relationships - Glamour Magazine Online

queenbastet Wrote:
@ charlesh -
The source of the information does not immediatelly damn it to being unworthy of considering.  This popped up in my yahoo home page... so no I dont' condone seeking relationship advice from magazines...

but If you look at some of the comments, they echo alot of what is said here.
which is the reason i added it.

@ Everyone - I was surprised to find no one mentioned the one I thought really hit the hardest...
#6... being selfish.  they actually scolded women for falling into the independence myth... so rare for this type of publication.  

the others were good are not so on piont to varying degrees... the one about sleepiing with a man too quickly, lookin for perfection, having self pity for being single...in general these actually made sense.

i was really amazed at #5 though!!!  

good on ya glamour!  usually yall make me mad... but yall did ok this time.

charlesh1609 Wrote:
Mistake #9: Relying on GLAMOUR Magazines for Relationship Advice - and THEN wondering why things STILL don't work the way you want.

Icon_rolleyes

Official FAIL status granted.


I could've touched on the others as well, but at the time felt the first one needed to be addressed the most - and availability seems to be something a number of women have issues with, but for some reason refuse to do anything about...I know women that claim they want to be in a relationship, yet feel no need to make time for one as though just wanting one was enough in itself to sustain it - then get upset and wonder why they're alone...

04-20-2010 09:50 AM
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RE: 8 Mistakes Women Make in Relationships - Glamour Magazine Online

First, Queen I THANK YOU SINCERELY for one of your many wonderful contributions!!!

AND G3...........darlin I agree with you 150%. You know in this new fandangle 21st century, dating and relating has become stressful, fake, and down right obscene.  And you do need BALANCE. As a woman, if I'm  FEELIN YOU IM FEELING YOU! YOU ARE GONNA KNOW IT! But at the same time, I will respect that you have things to do and that you need your "me" time just as I do. I never believed in rules and games and such. It just soo foolish to me. I'm gonna but it on the table, if you choose to partake GREAT , IF NOT, Its plenty other dudes that appreciate the dish being served. "Dish" being NON SEXUAL quality time, communication, plain ole good times minus the head games and false expectations.



g3mini Wrote:
The only one that kinda struck me is

Dating Mistake #1: Being Too Available
We’re not suggesting you play games, but we are telling you to indulge your passions and resist the urge to abandon your social circle every time your new man sends an invitation. Take Sebastian, 34, from Chicago, for example: “When I was single, there were women I initially liked who seemed to be waiting by the phone for me to call, which let me know if I didn’t meet someone else I wanted to date, I had a standby. There just wasn’t anything to work for, and that turned me off,” he says. The more you engage in and enjoy your life, the more he’ll work to be a part of it.


Maybe it's just me, but I think the issue here's mainly one of balance, because - for the women that aren't waiting by the phone - it just seems like fewer and fewer of them seem to be able to tell the difference between spending enough quality time with their men vs. spending an abundance of time with family and friends. All in all, you certainly have to take things on a case by case basis, but from my point of view, this is frequently an issue...


Baba often uses others to test your integrity.
04-20-2010 10:05 AM
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Douglamite
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RE: 8 Mistakes Women Make in Relationships - Glamour Magazine Online

You know what Klear, you will find that woman who appreciates your effort.

See, what I observe from women, being a woman myself, is that women don't know when a man is creating quality time for her. It's like, the "quality" is overlooked according to how the "time" is spent. Now if you spend time with her doing things SHE LIKES its quality time. But if you invite her to watch the game with you on Sunday, ITS JUST HANGING OUT.  I really feel like this type of thinking is the downfall of alot my ladies.

What is exciting to a man is not exciting to a woman, but many women are selfish in this. Sometimes, women have to think outside the box and venture to the man's side. I see NUFF BREDREN in the mall with their "female companions" holding purses and such. I think women need to sit down and watch a game with the dude sometimes, get the tools ready when he is trying to fix something, have the snacks in order for game night, ETC.. THAT IS QUALITY TIME!

beklear Wrote:

g3mini Wrote:
The only one that kinda struck me is

Dating Mistake #1: Being Too Available
We’re not suggesting you play games, but we are telling you to indulge your passions and resist the urge to abandon your social circle every time your new man sends an invitation. Take Sebastian, 34, from Chicago, for example: “When I was single, there were women I initially liked who seemed to be waiting by the phone for me to call, which let me know if I didn’t meet someone else I wanted to date, I had a standby. There just wasn’t anything to work for, and that turned me off,” he says. The more you engage in and enjoy your life, the more he’ll work to be a part of it.


Maybe it's just me, but I think the issue here's mainly one of balance, because - for the women that aren't waiting by the phone - it just seems like fewer and fewer of them seem to be able to tell the difference between spending enough quality time with their men vs. spending an abundance of time with family and friends. All in all, you certainly have to take things on a case by case basis, but from my point of view, this is frequently an issue...


What about a man who makes himself too available for a specific woman to let her know that the focus is on her only?


Baba often uses others to test your integrity.
04-20-2010 10:19 AM
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g3mini
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RE: 8 Mistakes Women Make in Relationships - Glamour Magazine Online

Douglamite Wrote:
First, Queen I THANK YOU SINCERELY for one of your many wonderful contributions!!!

AND G3...........darlin I agree with you 150%. You know in this new fandangle 21st century, dating and relating has become stressful, fake, and down right obscene.  And you do need BALANCE. As a woman, if I'm  FEELIN YOU IM FEELING YOU! YOU ARE GONNA KNOW IT! But at the same time, I will respect that you have things to do and that you need your "me" time just as I do. I never believed in rules and games and such. It just soo foolish to me. I'm gonna but it on the table, if you choose to partake GREAT , IF NOT, Its plenty other dudes that appreciate the dish being served. "Dish" being NON SEXUAL quality time, communication, plain ole good times minus the head games and false expectations.



g3mini Wrote:
The only one that kinda struck me is

Dating Mistake #1: Being Too Available
We’re not suggesting you play games, but we are telling you to indulge your passions and resist the urge to abandon your social circle every time your new man sends an invitation. Take Sebastian, 34, from Chicago, for example: “When I was single, there were women I initially liked who seemed to be waiting by the phone for me to call, which let me know if I didn’t meet someone else I wanted to date, I had a standby. There just wasn’t anything to work for, and that turned me off,” he says. The more you engage in and enjoy your life, the more he’ll work to be a part of it.


Maybe it's just me, but I think the issue here's mainly one of balance, because - for the women that aren't waiting by the phone - it just seems like fewer and fewer of them seem to be able to tell the difference between spending enough quality time with their men vs. spending an abundance of time with family and friends. All in all, you certainly have to take things on a case by case basis, but from my point of view, this is frequently an issue...


Thanks D!

04-20-2010 11:27 AM
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